A Jenn Adventure: Time vs. Patience

It’s 12:4something in the wee hours of the night (or morning) and as I’m drifting off to sleep I’m vaguely thinking about Time vs. Patience. I’m almost asleep, or maybe I’ve actually fallen asleep, when suddenly my brain screams, “PUFF PASTRY!!!!” I’m awake.  Out of bed. In the freezer pulling a box of puff pastry to thaw in the fridge overnight.  I have recipes to test in preparation for Monday night’s Foodie Fun program at work.  As I saunter back into my bedroom, I find my brain has meandered back to pondering Time vs. Patience.  So, here I am, propped up in bed in the dark typing as fast as my fingers can keep up…

Time. When I was younger, like many young people, time wasn’t a thing to me. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I yearned for the days when I could make my own decisions, when I could live a life of my choosing, when I could keep my room as messy or as clean as I wanted!  Like many teenagers, it was all about independence, independence, independence.  Something I have perfected in my older years – being independent.  But that is an entirely different post in and of itself. The fact of the matter is, when I was a teenager I ached to speed time up.  Somewhere after college, the first time, I began to realize what a stupid, stupid, stupid thing that was. You should never rush time but that’s only a lesson learned… with time.

In the past 10 years, my time has become increasingly precious to me. I don’t foresee that changing in the least. If anything, it will only increase in importance. We all have a finite amount of time on this earth and the thing is… we have NO idea exactly HOW finite it is. I may have a good 50-60 years left on this earth! Or… I might only have 5 or 10… days. And for this reason, time has become of the utmost importance to me. Often, when faced with something, I ask myself if I’m going to waste my time. Furthermore, will I waste someone else’s time? If at any moment, I realize I’m about to do just that, I immediately stop what I’m doing. I tell them; I’m not about to waste another person’s time when time is so important to me.  To me, it’s respectful and courteous to be aware of others. I expect the same from other people as well.  I make this known with anything I do, friendships/relationships I enter into, offers to volunteer, etc. Now, if I choose to waste my time, well, that’s my decision. After all, it is my time, so long as it’s not affecting another person.

But what happens when you bring someone else into your time? What happens when you’re both reading the same book at the same speed when suddenly you realize you’ve kept reading, but the other person has stopped? You’re supposed to be able to discuss said book at any moment.  Be on the same page.  But somehow, you’ve found yourself chapters ahead of the other person and where you once could have a great discussion… you’re struggling to keep the conversation going. You find yourself wondering, “Did I somehow manage to pick up a completely different book altogether?” You find yourself lost and confused, and frankly, a little frustrated. You’ve invested time in sharing this book. Which also means you’ve invested feelings and emotions.

This is usually when you cut your losses. If no one else in the discussion is going to take the time and effort to make this a successful and fun experience, you leave, right? Because your time is precious… Their time is precious! If they aren’t enjoying the book, why should they keep reading?? There’s nothing wrong with not finishing a book. But there is something wrong when the person you’re sharing a story with pretends they’re reading when they’ve actually closed the book altogether without telling you. It feels deceitful. But what if they didn’t close it altogether?  What if they stuck a bookmark in it to go back to later because the world has handed them a shit-ton of lemons that they are trying to make lemonade out of. They just forgot to tell you they needed to stop reading so much. They also forgot to ask you to bring some vodka over… Which brings me to…

Patience.  I’ve always been told I was a patient person. I’m patient with impatient people. I’m patient with unsure animals. I’m patient with needles & thread & miniscule squares you have to count. I’m patient with tiny humans with sticky hands. I’m patient with snarky teenagers. I’m patient. Some call it a virtue. Some call it a weakness. I tend to find it’s somewhere in between. I say that because many times there’s joy in being patient with another person and seeing them succeed when all they needed was a little smile and an “it’s ok… take your time…” But other times… other times there are those that take advantage it. Whether they exploit your patience intentionally or not, it happens more often than I care to admit. And, unfortunately, many of those same people are usually also taking advantage of the kindness that comes along with it… I’ve seen both sides.  I’m the type of person that tends to ignore the darker side until it’s slapped me in the face.  Why? Because I choose to hope for the best out of people. Because I choose to trust. Because I have a library to share and I’m ready to do that. Because I’m incredibly patient with the people that matter to me.

So, what happens when you find yourself in a situation where two of your core values are pitted against each other because someone matters to you? You value how you spend your time, how others spend your time, but you also value your ability to be patient when it’s needed. What do you do when someone who matters to you uses words that don’t match up with their actions? When they insinuate that they need you to be patient but yet their actions scream that you, your time, & and your feelings are of no concern to them? What do you focus on? The trees or the forest? The fact that the book is closed or that they used a bookmark (but forgot to tell you...)?

By the way, I’m in the final chapters of Me Before You by Jojo Moyes. Yeah, I know…

Also, I heard a song on the radio tonight that probably started this whole thing:

I can see a heartbreak coming

I can see it in the way she walks

I can see your heartbreak comin’, I just can’t find the courage to talk…

– Austin Meade 

xoxo, 

jennifree

A Jenn Adventure: 'Ello Guvna!

Tonight the Year of 32 comes to an end.  I always take time on this day to reflect on the previous year.  I, typically, write a little something down and sometimes those musings make it to the internet.  Sometimes they don’t.  I’ve been thinking about what I would write all day, trying to decide what I would say… what I wanted to say… trying to reflect on the Year of 32.  But I couldn’t get anywhere with my thoughts.  It’s not like 32 was an awful year.  I mean, I had a few slap-myself-in-the-face-did-that-really-just-happen moments but overall I can’t say it was a bad year.  But I also can’t say it was a great year.  Yeah, there are a few moments that stand out: got a free trip to Napa; went to a Bon Jovi concert with my cousins (which was a BLAST); laughed, played and loved my nephew to pieces; watched a dear friend get married; did some kickass baking; and finished a craft project that was 12+ years in the making.  But still, even when I think about it, the Year of 32 doesn’t stand out for me.  And then it hit me… I don’t want to reflect on the Year of 32.  I don’t want to say “good-bye” to it.  I don’t want to give it another thought.  I’m done with the Year of 32. 

Instead, I want to say, “”Ello, Guvna!” as loud as I can to the Year of 33 and erupt into giggles!

Year of 33, I don’t want to stress you out with a bunch of high expectations but something about you makes me smile uncontrollably.  We’re gonna have a great year.  I just know it.  Something about you makes me excited and hopeful.  I haven’t looked forward to a birthday this much since… since… I was 16?  *shrugs shoulders*  I don’t know why… nothing of importance happens this year.  We don’t get a license (unless I decide to splurge for that CHL class I’ve had my eye on for a while), it’s not the first year we can vote or legally drink in a bar.  We aren’t running off to college or graduating from something (Besides, you’ve overdone that one lately.  Let’s give it rest on the degrees.).  This is not a big milestone year.  But something about you… Maybe it’s because I can mold you into anything I want.  All those things we’ve talked about doing but haven’t… I think it may be time.

So, Year of 33, with that being said, how about we start with this small list:

•  Remember that cross-stitch project you started for Mom when you were a junior in high school that got ruined in your gym bag by an open bottle of Coke at a volleyball tournament and you had to throw it away?  We’re gonna start AND finish the replacement you bought online and then promptly hid in your closet.
• You’re going to recommit yourself to hula.  Cause let’s be honest, your life is so much better and your heart and soul are so much happier when you are dancing with your hula sisters.
• Fruits and vegetables.  I don’t need to elaborate here.
• Kayak Town Lake, trail run more, read in the sun, go for a bike ride, try a Hot Lava course!  Jeez… we could knock all that out in February!!  (Pronounced: Feb-ya-wary :-) )
• Write.  More.
• Monthly Dance Parties – alone or with friends… your kitchen or The Boss’… day or night… the possibilities are endless!  You pick!
• Embarrass the hell out of yourself on your 15^th High School Reunion Cruise.  Why?  Why not, yo?!?!
• Drink more mimosas.  Monthly?  Weekly!  Well, let’s start with monthly.  Also, that Airborne Strawberry flavored Vitamin C drink you've been drinking lately could use a little Champs in it… it’s ok, go for it!
• Help Pops rebuild fences on the farm.  This will take some effort.  Effort as in, you’ll need to pester Pops on getting this done.  But, you really want to help for more reasons than one.
• Continue to remember, love, and learn from your grandfather.  Smile, care, be kind and patient, laugh, and love.
• Finally, trust yourself.  All those slap-myself-in-the-face-did-that-really-just-happen moments of the Year of 32 could have been prevented if you had trusted your gut.  It’s ok to trust other people.  Please give them the benefit of the doubt!  That’s part of what makes you who you are…  but be sure to trust yourself first and foremost. 

We’ll think of more as the year goes on but, I think that’s a good start, don’t you?  Seriously, though, something big is gonna happen in the Year of 33.  I don’t know what it is, but it’s there… and it’s time.  Don’t be afraid.  Open your heart, your mind, and your soul to whatever it is. 

I'm never gonna look back

Woah, never gonna give it up

No, please don't wake me now

xoxo,

~jennifree

Top Ten Most Awesome Things Said to Me in 2011

I just uncovered this draft of a blog post from January 4th, 2012.  I had hopes to write down more things, because several people said some really hilarious things to me in 2011, but I guess I never got there.  Oh well... these made me laugh so here, have a laugh too!



Top Ten Most Awesome Things Said to Me in 2011

You've turned into such a snob since you started this pastry program.
Me: What's your point?  We still need stuff other than powdered sugar... 

If I'm going to continue hanging out with you I'm gonna need to start running or some other form of exercise on a regular basis... Can I have another brownie?

You aren't procrastinating. You are saving work for when you are older, therefore, more wise.

So, you're a nanny, a librarian, a baker, and a bookkeeper? Is there anything you don't do???
Me: Not really, I'm a Jenn of all trades.

Discussing my previous job with one of the chefs at school...
Chef: Wait, you have a masters degree???  What the hell are you doing here?!?!

I can't do lunch that week.  I'll be stuck in interviews trying to hire mythical interns.


xoxo,

jennifree

A Jenn Adventure: Isn't That Somethin'

Instead of writing this blog post, I should be reading.  I’m still pretty far behind in my studies and The Boss is down for a nap.  But I finally know what I want to say… for weeks I’ve been thinking about this entry.  Trying to decide exactly what I wanted to convey and I couldn’t focus my thoughts.  I think my heart was too raw.  And though I am still sad and I am still hurting… I know what I need to say.

“Isn’t that somethin’.”  GDaddy used to say that all the time.  “Baby, how’s the weather in Austin?” he’d ask.  “Well, Granddaddy, it’s rained for 24 hours straight!”  “Well, I’ll be.  Isn’t that somethin’.”  I’ll tell you what… he was somethin’.

My grandfather, Eugean Freeman, was an incredible man.  He was kind and caring.  He had the best laugh and his smiles were infectious.  He loved his family so much that it was impossible to process how big he made your heart feel.  He was patient and smart.  He never got angry or said a cross word to the kids, even when he probably should have.  His way of talking to us was very matter fact in those instances.  He loved animals and sweets.  He never met a stranger.   Everyone was always welcome in his presence.   He was fun.

I owe so much of who I am to my grandfather.  In the past 6 or 7 years, my friends and family have repeatedly pointed out to me how patient I am.  How patient I am with animals, people, and life in general.  There is no doubt in my mind I learned this from Granddaddy (and that it was reinforced by my father, Grandaddy’s middle child).  GDaddy was always so patient with everyone and everything.  

My most cherished memories with my grandfather are the Saturday and Sunday mornings we spent together.  I’m not sure how old I was when I first started tagging along on his morning farm routine.  I was young, though.  I was old enough to fix myself a bowl of cereal and make coffee for my parents, though I had to use a chair to climb on top of the counter to reach the coffee.  I would wake up early, way before the rest of my household.  I would put on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt, sneak into the kitchen for a small bowl of cereal, make coffee for my parents, and then ease out the front door.  I would sit on the front porch steps, if it was warm enough, and wait.  When I saw that black and grey truck cross the bridge on the highway, I would start walking to the gate to meet him.  At first, I wasn’t big enough to open the gate into our family’s land.  It was incredibly heavy, but I would help him open the gate and hop in the truck with him.  Usually the cows were close by so they were our first stop.  If I could get out of the truck fast enough, I was in the back getting the can of cubes for the bull.  I would hand them over to Granddaddy and he would feed Jack/Jill/Punkin whoever our bull was at the time.  (Yes, the bulls all had names and 95% of the time it was a girl’s name.  I have no idea why…)  Back when we leased a little extra land next to ours, we would make a round through there, just to check up on everything.  Next we went to “the pen” (our corral area) to feed and water any cows we had penned up.  We walked the fences and made sure everything was alright, checked all the gates, and rubbed the cows’ noses.  After that, it was the pond.  We would cross the creek and he would stop the truck, “See any snakes??”  “No sir!” and off we went.  At the pond, we fed the catfish and the ducks.  Checked the flat bottom boat and made sure everything was where it was supposed to be.  Then it was time to head to the Pinkston.  We’d cross the creek and make another quick snake check (what happened if there was a snake?  Bad snakes = shooting practice.) and off we’d go out the front gate and down the road to some leased property where we had another herd of cows.  We’d make a quick round through the land and then head back to my house.  He always came inside to say “Good Morning” and have a cup of coffee with my parents.  He wouldn’t stay long cause “mama” would be looking for him.**

Every Saturday and Sunday morning… it was our time together and I loved it.  I cherished every second of it.  This is where I learned to be kind and patient, to be soft and gentle with those around me.  If you slow down and wait, be gentle and easy, the cows will come and let you rub their noses.  The squirrels will eat pecans off your shoes.  The kittens with their silky, soft, fuzzy hair will rub their cheeks on your knees.  Eventually, everyone will meet you with a smile on their face when they see you coming.  Except the ducks.  The ducks… well, they wouldn’t come to anybody but him.  Ever.  

He taught me how to drive.  Before I was tall enough to reach the pedals, he let me sit in his lap and steer the truck sometimes.  And when I was finally tall enough, he let me drive all by myself.  It’s a wonder I didn’t give us whiplash.  I had such a heavy foot and was full of giddy giggles.  This was one of those times I should have gotten in trouble.  Anyone else would have lost patience and quick!  But not Granddaddy… “Remember, baby, you’ve got to be easy.  Slow and easy…” is all he would say.   I remember when I had earned the privilege of driving the morning route.  I met him at the gate one morning, by this time I was strong enough to open it myself, and when I turned to get in the truck he was sitting on the passenger side.  As I climbed in, put the truck in gear, and let my foot off the brake he said, “Remember, baby, slow and easy.”

He left behind the most incredible group of people that I am overwhelmingly proud to call my family.  He married a wonderful woman and together they raised three very sweet and loving children.  Those children taught their children all the lessons they learned from their Daddy (and Mama).  And those children are teaching their children.  My family is very close and we love each other unconditionally.  I’ve always known I had a special family.  Not many people are that close with their aunts and uncles and cousins.  Not many people are blessed with that kind of love or support system.  My sister and I are the only ones, of our “immediate family*”, that live outside of East Texas.  Sometimes, that’s hard on me.  I miss having everyone in one place to eat, talk, and laugh like we did so many times when I was growing up.  

My grandfather’s passing was 120% bittersweet.  Someone I loved and respected the most in the world is no longer here but in the week that followed his passing, I was able to reconnect with family.  I was able to see him live on in each of them.  He was so much of an incredible man and such a huge part of all of our lives that you can’t help but see bits and pieces of him in each of us.  The laughter and love that was shared that week was amazing.  Returning to Austin was the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time.  

Eugean Freeman’s legacy will live on, even though his physical being will not… Be respectful to everyone.  If something bothers you, say your piece and then let it go.  Be kind, caring, and forgiving.  Laugh when something is funny but not at the expense of someone else’s feelings.  Listen to others.  Think about your actions.  Be patient with those around you.  Give more love than you think you will ever receive.    

He was somethin’…

Hook 'Em Horns!

xoxo Granddaddy!  With all of my love,

~jenni

(jennifree)



*Note from Jenn: I realize that the term “immediate family” really means grandparents, parents, and siblings but my aunts, uncles, and cousins were always around us.  There were, are, and always will be my immediate family.

**Note from Jenn: After his funeral, the "immediate family" all came back to my Daddy's house.  My three older cousins and I loaded up in a truck along with their wives and their children.  One of the boys had requested a "tour" because he hadn't been out on that land before.  Unintentionally I think, our tour followed the same route I mentioned above (minus the extra land next door and the Pinkston section - we no longer lease that land).  We laughed and told stories and all of the little kids listened and laughed and shared their memories of Granddaddy.  At one point, I mentioned how the "roads" were gone and Maddi Grace asked what I meant.  I told her how there used to be roads throughout the pastures because Granddaddy made that exact same route twice a day every day.  I told her about our Saturday and Sunday mornings.  At some point, I realized the entire back end of the truck was completely silent and everyone was listening to my story.  Maddi Grace said, "Jennifer, I wish I had been a little girl when you were a little girl and that I could have done that with Granddaddy too.  That sounds like it was fun."  I had to fight back tears... "Maddi Grace, I wish you had been able to do that too.  It was a lot of fun..."  Unintentionally, my cousins and I paid tribute to my grandfather that evening in the most perfect way possible.  It was the perfect way to end that day. 

A Jenn Adventure: The Year of 30

Tonight, the Year of 30 comes to an end.  It seemed only fitting to take a moment to look back on it... It was filled with so much but I think what stands out the most was the amount of love it contained.  I never knew I could be loved nor love as much as I did this year.  


I started the Year of 30 off surrounded by my closest friends.  I literally sat at brunch the morning of my birthday and looked around at all the faces.  I've never felt so lucky in my life.  A girl can only wish for the friends that were sitting at that table.  Can only hope and dream for them... and I have them.  Not just one or two but several.  And every day I am grateful for each and every one of them.  They each bring some sort of joy and happiness to my life.  So much so that I'm always taken aback by it, in a good way.  I'm grateful for each and every one of my friends.  


I didn't think it was possible to experience more love than that until my sister handed me her newborn son in July.  I love that little boy to the moon and back.  I quit my job in September to spend my days hanging out with his sweet face and there's not a single day that goes by that I'm not thrilled I made that decision.  And there's not a single day when I don't appreciate the time I get to spend with him and how much he makes me laugh.  I mean... how can you NOT giggle with this guy around?!?

Is there popcorn for this drive-in movie?

I'm also grateful for the new friends the Year of 30 brought to me.  I don't get to spend as much time with them as I would like but I'm grateful for the friendships that flourished... and sort of out of nowhere!  


Unexpected but incredible... that was my Year of 30.  I hope that in the Year of 31 I can give as much love as I received this year.  I hope everyone close to me knows just how much they mean.  How important they are in my life.  How much I love them.  


I heard the best quote on a TV show tonight, "Be bold-and mighty forces will come to your aid." --William Benjamin Basil King.  Maybe that should be my motto for the Year of 31... If anything, I will love boldly...


xoxo,
~jennifree

A Jenn Adventure: Playing Catch-Up

Hi!  Hello!  Good Morning!!!

It's a catch-up day.  At least for blogging it is.  I've left you all unattended for a few weeks and I see you've gone nutzo without me.  It's ok... it happens.  ;-)  So, as I sit here and drink a scrumptious smoothie courtesy of my hip bro-in-law while G-Man snoozes, I'll fill you in, as quickly as possible, on what's been up!  And what's been down... if there is any.  

First, THANKSGIVING!  We had a great Freeman/Hayden Thanksgiving.  A set of parental units were here, lunch was awesome, and dessert was sweeeeeeeet!  So all in all... excellent Thanksgiving!  We ate too much and enjoyed our family and all that jazz.  Pictures of our desserts follow.  Yep, I made them!  Did you expect anything less?!?  

Pumpkin Creme Brulee

Pumpkin Cheesecake

End of school... Weeeeee!!!  Those last two weeks were rough though.  Projects, finals, assignments out the wazoo.  But I made it!  And just in time.  I was starting to get seriously burned out.  Needed a massive break from school.  Besides, I have tons of Christmas prezzies I'm making this year and it was killing me that I couldn't work on them.  Anyway, grades haven't been posted yet but it should be another semester of A's.  I like to keep up with my grades as I go but especially at the end of the semester.  When there are tons of projects and finals to take it's helpful to know just what I need to make in order to keep my A.  Slightly lazy?  Maybe... Extremely smart?  Yes!  This way I know where I need to concentrate the most.  Luckily, I only needed 60's or less on all my final tests and projects.  It pays to work hard the first 3/4ths of the semester!  ;-)  There are some pics of things I made this semester below.  I have more but they are on my old phone and I can't get them off right now... 

Blackberry Bavarian Pastry

Choco Bread Pudding w/Mousseline Sauce

Show Cake!
The "cake" is styrofoam.

Speaking of phones... I've made it to the "here-and-now"!  I am now a proud owner of an iPhone 4S.  She's pretty!  White with a white and pink case.  I'd take a pic but that would mean finding my actual, real camera.  Ha!  I'm lovin' Siri.  She's got such a great sense of humor.  *snicker snicker*  This is my first "smart" phone and the salesman was quite nice.  Thankfully, he was not annoyed by my antics and played along.  I had a hard time deciding between an Android and an iPhone.  But in the end, iPhone it was.  At one point, he even told my phone had gone next door to Chipotle to get a burrito.  I was too busy talking with Mom to realize he had left the counter, so I was slightly confused.  But after I realized he was no longer holding my new piece of equipment I laughed.  Funny guy. 

Lastly, I spent the weekend in ETX "catering" a dessert party for my mom and stepdad.  Even though I spent Friday night and ALL of Saturday baking and creating, it was a TON of fun.  And I had fun at the party as well.  It was a work party for my stepdad and I know many of the people he works with and their spouses.  They are all like second families to me.  I hadn't seen them in so long.  It was nice to just sit and chat!  Anyway, on to the pics.  I know that's really what you want to see anyway...

Chocolate Peppermint Roll Cake

Mini Christmas Tree Cheesecakes

Chocolate Caramel Boxes

Truffles!!  Coconut, Pecan, and Plain

I think that pretty much wraps up what I've been up to... for the  most part.  ;-)  I hear a little man so it's time for a mid morning snack and play time!!!  And nope, I did not buy him this shirt... for once.  But it sure does look good on him!  

G-Money

xoxo,  
jennifree

A Jenn Adventure: Things I'm Thankful For

Inspired by a friend's blog (Thanks, Chris!), I decided I should do a special "What I'm Thankful For" blog.  There's nothing "deep" in this post.  No revelations.  Just a simple list of things I'm thankful for.  Some are serious, some are silly but all are things I am thankful to have.  And because I am watching the Texas/A&M game I should say, some of these I had intended to put more thought into.  However, it's hard to thoughtfully blog and watch football at the same time.  ;-)

Things I'm Thankful For:

1.  Family.

I'm pretty fond of my family.  We have our quirks and our crazies but they are my family and they are always here when I need them, no matter the need.  I'm especially thankful for this guy:

Have I mentioned lately how awesome he is?  ;-)  Anyway, I never knew how lucky I was or how good I had it until I went to college.  Listening to other people talk about their immediate and and extended families, I began to realize I had something special.  We are all very close and we care a lot about each other... sometimes maybe a little too much but I'll take too much over too little any day.  I'm thankful for my family.

2.  Friends.

I have a pretty great group of friends.  I've always been the type of person who has less friends but deeper relationships with those people.  I like it that way.  And I'm incredibly grateful for each and every one of them.  Just like family, they are there when I need them.  They are fun, caring, talkative but quiet, silly but serious, crafty, intelligent, snarky, selfless... they dream up things like glitter cannons and accept people for what they are.  I love them, love them, love them.  I'm thankful for my friends.

3.  Pets.
Specifically, my pets.  I love my girls.  That's 100% apparent.  I wonder how people without pets cope.  Granted, I am single and live alone but still, pets have always been a part of my life and I can't imagine a day without them.  Ok, so I can imagine a day without them... I had several days in a row in college where I was not allowed a pet but you know what I mean.  You learn soooo much from having a pet.  There's the obvious "responsibility" lesson but it's so much more than that.  My girls have taught me patience, how to laugh at things that really aren't funny, how to laugh at things that are hysterical, how to ignore, how to clean black curtains, to find the fun in every little thing, how to snuggle, how to care, but most importantly... how to love unconditionally.  I know, technically, my parents taught me all of this stuff but having pets allowed me to practice it all, especially the curtain cleaning thing, and so much more.  I can make mistake after mistake with these girls and they will always love me in their little kitteh way.  And they can make mistake after mistake and I will always love them in my own little human way.  I'm thankful for pets.

4.  AC.
I'm hot.  All the time.  And I don't mean "h-o-t-t" hot, I mean my body temperature has to run at an abnormally high number because when most people are chilled I'm borderline sweaty.  *shrugs shoulders*  It's always been this way with me but as I've gotten older I've become more and more aware of it.  It's annoying.  And here I am in Texas where we have no water and 110 degree days 9 months out of the year.  Talk about annoying.  I dream of snow and 45 degree days on a daily basis.  Anyway, the point is, AC is NOT wasted on me.  I am thankful every day that I have a working AC with a digital thermostat.  Don't get me wrong, I love being outside and I totally miss the days of working as a "farm-hand" that one summer.  I love me some manual labor but I also love to come home to an "as cool as I want it" apt (which is usually around 74 degree, or less, when I'm home).  I'm thankful for AC.

5.  Fiction Books.

Being a librarian at heart, it's understandable that I'm thankful for books but I'm really thankful for fiction books. I've always been a reader but I read for entertainment.  I read to find myself in another world, another time, another emotion, another anything.  I love stories.  I love being able to imagine the story in my mind and dream up what the characters look like and how their voices sound.  Though, I've grown with the times and enjoy reading on my Kindle and listening to audio books I still enjoy the feel of the pages, the crack of the spine, the smell of a good book.  I'm thankful for fiction books.

6.  Running Shoes.

Like I've said before, I'm not a runner.  But I do enjoy running... especially when it's cold... and raining... and at night.  The feel of the shoes on my feet, the sound of the pat, pat, pat on the pavement.  The escape they give me from... well, life.  There's no need for thinking.  There's no need for analyzing.  Just run.  Just breathe.  Just be.  I'm thankful for my running shoes.   

7.  Pandora.
I'm not sure how I functioned before Pandora.  I lurve Pandora.  I love the Cake station, and the Jack Ingram station, and the Louis Armstrong station, and I could go on and on and on...  New music, old music, different music... it's all there!  Pandora = awesome.  Enough said.  I'm thankful for pandora.

8.  My iPod.
I have an iPod Touch and it's the best thing since sliced bread.  The music, the apps, the internet access... pandora... ;-)  I don't have a lot to say about my iPod... I'm just really happy I have it!  iPod, you are a convenience I'm thankful for.

9.  Fireplaces

I adore a cold night with a lit fireplace.  It's warm and cozy and safe.  I could curl up with a pillow and blanket in a big comfy chair and just stare at the flames.  So many winter nights at my Daddy's house were spent that way.  Long after the rest of the house had gone to bed, I was camped out in front of the fireplace, cuddled up reading a book.  Safe, safe, safe... I'm thankful for fireplaces.

10.  The Me I Used to Be.

Again, stolen from Chris' blog but it's so totally true.  Without the Me I Used to Be I wouldn't be the Me I Am Today.  I used to be very quiet.  I never spoke up.  I wasn't very sure of myself.  Which is all very funny because if you talked to anyone from when I was younger, I'm pretty sure they would say the compete opposite.  However, now I'm the exact opposite of what I used to be.  I'm striving for something in between.  Something a little less outspoken but not silent.  A little less emotional but not emotionless.  Just a better person.  A better Jenn.  The Me I Want to Be.  But in the meantime, I'm thankful for the Me I Used to Be.

A Jenn Adventure: Changes, they are a plenty!

Hellooooooooooooooo, Party People!!! Uh huh... I know... we can address my uncharacteristically quietness later. Right now, it's time for an update so let's just get down to business, shall we?

Top 5 changes in 2011:

1. I quit my job. Yeah, I said it. I QUIT my job. We won't discuss exactly why I quit, but I will say, I wasn't happy anymore. I loved the job, itself, and the majority of the people I worked with but there were certain things I just couldn't handle anymore. I had become a very angry, jaded, and bitter person. I'm not an angry, jaded, or bitter person. So, after 6 professional years, 2 years as an intern, and 1 year as a volunteer... I hightailed it outta there! I sound happy about that. My soul is very happy but when I think about it (and I try not to) it makes me very sad...

2. I got a new job! I hang out with THIS DUDE...

... all day long! It's awesome. He's such a stinkin' happy baby. I lucked out. For those that don't know, G is my nephew and he's awesome. Seriously... he's AWESOME!! We read stories and play and go to storytime and send Mom pictures of our cuteness and sit outside to watch the wildlife and sing songs and count our fingers and much, much, more. Yes, I let him nap too! He's a cool little dude and I love being able to watch him grow. I wish his momma could stay home with him like this but I'm also super glad I get to spend so much time with him. People say my sister is lucky that her precious boy gets to stay home with family instead of going to daycare but really... I'm the lucky one.

3. I moved! That's not that big of a deal. I tend to move quite a bit. However, I was in my last apt for about 3 years... that's pretty good for me! Anyway, the girls and I moved from south Austin to north Austin and I love it. I'm conveniently located 5-10 minutes from my "new" place of employment. I did it on purpose. Mainly because I knew that the fam would be visiting at least once a month to see G-Man and I had no desire to spend that much time in my car in one weekend in Austin. But let me be clear... had management not raised my rent, I wouldn't have moved. Moving is a female dog. I don't just move to move anymore. That was a college thing... Anyway, I (heart) my new apartment. It's old and cute and in an AWESOME neighborhood. I can go running at 11 p.m. and not have to worry about getting jumped. In fact, I left my car window rolled down the other night with my Maui Jim sunglasses in the front seat and they were STILL there they next morning. And my car insurance went down. Woot!

4. I started running. I know, some of you are saying, "Jenn, you are already a runner... You are a triathlete!" First, I hope you are using those terms, "runner" and "triathlete" very loosely. I was never a "runner" and I never called myself a "triathlete". I just went running because no one was forcing me too and I could walk whenever I darnwell felt like it. And if I chose to NOT run up that hill I could give that hill the finger and turn around! And I do triathlons for FUN. I compete with myself and myself only. But at some point, life happened and I fell off the wagon... hard. Like rock bottom hard. I stopped running, I stopped biking, I stopped swimming, I stopped going to the gym, I stopped Hula-ing, I stopped everything but work, class, work, class, and laying on my couch. For the past 5 weeks, I've been running 3 days a week. And 2 weeks ago I started back with Hula once a week. Next week... the GYM and some WEIGHTS!!!. Soon I'll need to add back in my bike and swim workouts. In 2012, I will get back to triathlons.

5. I have my soul back. For the first time, in a long time, I'm happy. I'm still trying to get my lost life back but I'm getting there. Slowly, but surely.

Top 3 Things I Want to Change Before 11:59 p.m. on December 31st, 2011:

1. Apparently, I'm a "once a year" blogger. I want to start blogging regularly so I'm shooting for once week. If nothing else, I will blog once a month.

2. I will not quit working out. I tend to do really well at working out for a while and then sort of stop. No more.

3. I will finish craft projects. I have about 3 projects I've started and walked away from that I desperately want to finish. I. Will. Finish.

Considering there's not a lot of time left in 2011, I don't want to over do it. I think these three things are sufficient. ;-) I promise I will "see" you all again next week, if not sooner. Posts don't have to be crazy long or epic entries... at least this is what I'm reminding myself so I'll continue this. And how about one more sweet, sweet picture of my little friend?

xoxo,

jennifree

A Jenn Adventure: Favorite Song Mash-Up

Yes, I know. It’s been ages since I’ve posted to House of Von Cotton. (Do I start every post like that??? Um, probably.) The girls and I have been extremely busy. Lily has been an adorable little menace. Abby has been trying to ignore her and I… well, I’ve been working, taking classes, working, training for tri season, working, working, and did I mention working? Tonight I’m also doing a little baking and while my chocolate cake is in the oven I decided it was time to do some writing.

A while back I had this idea for a little writing experiment. I wanted to take some of my current favorite songs, pull the lines that spoke to me, and mash them up into something new without adding any extra words. I must say, this turned out rather interesting. In the beginning, I thought I would be able to nail down one feeling or emotion to convey but, of course, that didn’t happen and it ended up something totally different. As I was pulling lines, I realized I had a kind of menagerie of emotions spilling out from the songs I was using. Frankly, I was surprised at how this turned out. It did not end up being what I expected. But I had a lot of fun, though. I’m definitely going to have to try it again sometime.

Anyway, I’ve included it below. Don’t read too much into it. Nine times out of ten, when I use words to create something, it has an aura of twisted/torn/dark/yearning/etc -ness. *shrugs shoulders* My inner Jenn must be a little dark & twisty. ;-) I did hang out with some old friends recently and I'm sure that spurred some of this. Memory Lane has been pretty heavy in my heart lately.

Special thanks to: Bob Schneider (40 Dogs), The Temper Trap (Sweet Disposition), Phoenix (Lisztomania), Miley Cyrus (Can’t Be Tamed), Ke$ha (Your Love Is My Drug), OneRepublic (All the Right Moves), Neon Trees (Animal), Franz Ferdinand (No You Girls), and Metric (Gold Guns Girls). Your songs rock and I’m sure your socks do too.



Head vs. Heart

Is it ever gonna be enough?
I remember when we we're gambling to win, everybody else said better luck next time.

I'm like a puzzle but all of my pieces are jagged.
I’ve been looking for something else.
I wanna be a part of something.
I don’t know; a moment, a love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry.

Let's paint the picture of the perfect place.
Like good times that haven’t happened yet but will.
Between the noise you hear, and the sounds you like, what are we waitin' for?
This is show time.

I kinda wanna be more than friends.
Too late, she’ll be late, too late.
I'm afraid you're never satisfied and I'm afraid I won’t get out alive.
Follow. Misguide. Stand still. Discuss. Discourage.
I wanna run and hide.
I do it every time.
Is it ever gonna be enough?

Do I make your heart beat?
Sometimes you remind me of a moonbeam.
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Sometimes I think the stupidest things.
I know I could never be your love, your love, your love.

All the choices in the world, is it ever gonna be enough?
No, I gotta be someone else.
I can't, won't stop to surrender.
So, take it easy on me.
I’m wired a different way.
I'm not a mistake, I'm not a fake.
Why can't you understand?

Do you never wonder?
Because I never wonder…
It's us that made this mess.
It's gettin heavier and I wanna run and hide.
Say goodbye to my heart tonight.