A Jenn Adventure: Peanuts

Today has been a good day!  It's been a productive day off (The Boss took his CFO and CMO to see Grammy at the beach for the weekend.  Lucky dude!).  But now... I'm stuck on my kitchen floor amongst a pile of snotty paper towels.

It started with me dancing around the kitchen while I made cupcakes for a friend.  I go to put the box in the fridge and, as always, I had to move some stuff around in order to get it in there.  For a person that lives alone, I sure do have a lot of stuff in my fridge... Anyway, something was blocking the box in the way back so I reach in and pull out the culprit.  A bag of chocolate covered peanuts.  Not just any bag of chocolate covered peanuts... the last bag of chocolate covered peanuts my granddaddy ever made me.  A smile spread across my face.  Granddaddy.  I shove the box in the fridge and sit in the floor with the bag... I open it... Pull out a piece... and stare at it.  

I'm flooded with happy, wonderful, precious memories of my granddaddy by just staring at the candy.

To eat it or not to eat it... that is the question.  It's fine.  It's peanuts and chocolate, yall.  It's not like they'll go bad anytime soon, if ever (especially living in my fridge).  I take a bite.  The tears stream down my face.  I'm chewing and crying and smiling all at the same time.  I think, "It's still a damn good piece of candy, Granddaddy..." and then I'm laughing.  But I can't stop crying.  Even now.  It's a mixture of happiness and sadness but between the tears and sobs, I'm just grateful.

I miss my granddaddy.  Every day he is in my thoughts.  It's been 8 months but I still wish for so many things.  I wish Granddaddy had gotten to spend more time with The Boss.  I wish The Boss had gotten to spend more time with him.  And when the child finally starts talking, he'll ask questions about Granddaddy's pictures.  I know he will because at 22 months old (today!) you can ask him to show you Granddaddy in a picture and he does.  I wish he had gotten to ride on the tractor with him or watch him feed pecans to the squirrels from his shoes or learn how to touch the cows' noses from him... but The Boss has a wonderful Pops who will show him things that are just as awesome as what my Granddaddy showed me.  But man, those two would have really laughed at each other!

I wish The Chef had gotten to meet Granddaddy.  I like The Chef.  A lot.  I wanna keep him around for a while.  He would have loved my granddaddy, but then again, everyone loved Granddaddy.  It just happened... the smile on his face always spread to yours.  And your heart always felt warm when he was around.  So, really, The Chef wouldn't have been able to fight it.  :-)

I also wish I had eaten more of this chocolate covered peanut candy.  It was good!  It was always good!  But I've always been more of a "make the sweets than eat the sweets" kind of girl.  I always shared them with everyone around me because I knew there was more where that bag came from.  And because everyone loved that candy.  So I did just want my granddaddy did; I shared. I gave it away.  I made other people happy with it.  And I have one coveted bag left...

But, like I said, mostly I'm just grateful.  I am so grateful for the amount of time I had with him.  I am so grateful that he was such an important part of my life, that he was so close to me.  That I was privileged enough to receive such wonderful, unconditional love.  

So, as I sit here typing and crying, and even though I do miss him so very much...

 I'm smiling.  I'm happy.  And my heart feels a warmth that I will forever and always cherish.

I also have a bag of chocolate covered peanuts, yo.  And I can't even begin to describe the happiness that brings to my face and heart.  :-)

xoxo

~jennifree

A Jenn Adventure: The Year of 30

Tonight, the Year of 30 comes to an end.  It seemed only fitting to take a moment to look back on it... It was filled with so much but I think what stands out the most was the amount of love it contained.  I never knew I could be loved nor love as much as I did this year.  


I started the Year of 30 off surrounded by my closest friends.  I literally sat at brunch the morning of my birthday and looked around at all the faces.  I've never felt so lucky in my life.  A girl can only wish for the friends that were sitting at that table.  Can only hope and dream for them... and I have them.  Not just one or two but several.  And every day I am grateful for each and every one of them.  They each bring some sort of joy and happiness to my life.  So much so that I'm always taken aback by it, in a good way.  I'm grateful for each and every one of my friends.  


I didn't think it was possible to experience more love than that until my sister handed me her newborn son in July.  I love that little boy to the moon and back.  I quit my job in September to spend my days hanging out with his sweet face and there's not a single day that goes by that I'm not thrilled I made that decision.  And there's not a single day when I don't appreciate the time I get to spend with him and how much he makes me laugh.  I mean... how can you NOT giggle with this guy around?!?

Is there popcorn for this drive-in movie?

I'm also grateful for the new friends the Year of 30 brought to me.  I don't get to spend as much time with them as I would like but I'm grateful for the friendships that flourished... and sort of out of nowhere!  


Unexpected but incredible... that was my Year of 30.  I hope that in the Year of 31 I can give as much love as I received this year.  I hope everyone close to me knows just how much they mean.  How important they are in my life.  How much I love them.  


I heard the best quote on a TV show tonight, "Be bold-and mighty forces will come to your aid." --William Benjamin Basil King.  Maybe that should be my motto for the Year of 31... If anything, I will love boldly...


xoxo,
~jennifree

A Jenn Adventure: Things I'm Thankful For

Inspired by a friend's blog (Thanks, Chris!), I decided I should do a special "What I'm Thankful For" blog.  There's nothing "deep" in this post.  No revelations.  Just a simple list of things I'm thankful for.  Some are serious, some are silly but all are things I am thankful to have.  And because I am watching the Texas/A&M game I should say, some of these I had intended to put more thought into.  However, it's hard to thoughtfully blog and watch football at the same time.  ;-)

Things I'm Thankful For:

1.  Family.

I'm pretty fond of my family.  We have our quirks and our crazies but they are my family and they are always here when I need them, no matter the need.  I'm especially thankful for this guy:

Have I mentioned lately how awesome he is?  ;-)  Anyway, I never knew how lucky I was or how good I had it until I went to college.  Listening to other people talk about their immediate and and extended families, I began to realize I had something special.  We are all very close and we care a lot about each other... sometimes maybe a little too much but I'll take too much over too little any day.  I'm thankful for my family.

2.  Friends.

I have a pretty great group of friends.  I've always been the type of person who has less friends but deeper relationships with those people.  I like it that way.  And I'm incredibly grateful for each and every one of them.  Just like family, they are there when I need them.  They are fun, caring, talkative but quiet, silly but serious, crafty, intelligent, snarky, selfless... they dream up things like glitter cannons and accept people for what they are.  I love them, love them, love them.  I'm thankful for my friends.

3.  Pets.
Specifically, my pets.  I love my girls.  That's 100% apparent.  I wonder how people without pets cope.  Granted, I am single and live alone but still, pets have always been a part of my life and I can't imagine a day without them.  Ok, so I can imagine a day without them... I had several days in a row in college where I was not allowed a pet but you know what I mean.  You learn soooo much from having a pet.  There's the obvious "responsibility" lesson but it's so much more than that.  My girls have taught me patience, how to laugh at things that really aren't funny, how to laugh at things that are hysterical, how to ignore, how to clean black curtains, to find the fun in every little thing, how to snuggle, how to care, but most importantly... how to love unconditionally.  I know, technically, my parents taught me all of this stuff but having pets allowed me to practice it all, especially the curtain cleaning thing, and so much more.  I can make mistake after mistake with these girls and they will always love me in their little kitteh way.  And they can make mistake after mistake and I will always love them in my own little human way.  I'm thankful for pets.

4.  AC.
I'm hot.  All the time.  And I don't mean "h-o-t-t" hot, I mean my body temperature has to run at an abnormally high number because when most people are chilled I'm borderline sweaty.  *shrugs shoulders*  It's always been this way with me but as I've gotten older I've become more and more aware of it.  It's annoying.  And here I am in Texas where we have no water and 110 degree days 9 months out of the year.  Talk about annoying.  I dream of snow and 45 degree days on a daily basis.  Anyway, the point is, AC is NOT wasted on me.  I am thankful every day that I have a working AC with a digital thermostat.  Don't get me wrong, I love being outside and I totally miss the days of working as a "farm-hand" that one summer.  I love me some manual labor but I also love to come home to an "as cool as I want it" apt (which is usually around 74 degree, or less, when I'm home).  I'm thankful for AC.

5.  Fiction Books.

Being a librarian at heart, it's understandable that I'm thankful for books but I'm really thankful for fiction books. I've always been a reader but I read for entertainment.  I read to find myself in another world, another time, another emotion, another anything.  I love stories.  I love being able to imagine the story in my mind and dream up what the characters look like and how their voices sound.  Though, I've grown with the times and enjoy reading on my Kindle and listening to audio books I still enjoy the feel of the pages, the crack of the spine, the smell of a good book.  I'm thankful for fiction books.

6.  Running Shoes.

Like I've said before, I'm not a runner.  But I do enjoy running... especially when it's cold... and raining... and at night.  The feel of the shoes on my feet, the sound of the pat, pat, pat on the pavement.  The escape they give me from... well, life.  There's no need for thinking.  There's no need for analyzing.  Just run.  Just breathe.  Just be.  I'm thankful for my running shoes.   

7.  Pandora.
I'm not sure how I functioned before Pandora.  I lurve Pandora.  I love the Cake station, and the Jack Ingram station, and the Louis Armstrong station, and I could go on and on and on...  New music, old music, different music... it's all there!  Pandora = awesome.  Enough said.  I'm thankful for pandora.

8.  My iPod.
I have an iPod Touch and it's the best thing since sliced bread.  The music, the apps, the internet access... pandora... ;-)  I don't have a lot to say about my iPod... I'm just really happy I have it!  iPod, you are a convenience I'm thankful for.

9.  Fireplaces

I adore a cold night with a lit fireplace.  It's warm and cozy and safe.  I could curl up with a pillow and blanket in a big comfy chair and just stare at the flames.  So many winter nights at my Daddy's house were spent that way.  Long after the rest of the house had gone to bed, I was camped out in front of the fireplace, cuddled up reading a book.  Safe, safe, safe... I'm thankful for fireplaces.

10.  The Me I Used to Be.

Again, stolen from Chris' blog but it's so totally true.  Without the Me I Used to Be I wouldn't be the Me I Am Today.  I used to be very quiet.  I never spoke up.  I wasn't very sure of myself.  Which is all very funny because if you talked to anyone from when I was younger, I'm pretty sure they would say the compete opposite.  However, now I'm the exact opposite of what I used to be.  I'm striving for something in between.  Something a little less outspoken but not silent.  A little less emotional but not emotionless.  Just a better person.  A better Jenn.  The Me I Want to Be.  But in the meantime, I'm thankful for the Me I Used to Be.