A Jenn Adventure: Peanuts

Today has been a good day!  It's been a productive day off (The Boss took his CFO and CMO to see Grammy at the beach for the weekend.  Lucky dude!).  But now... I'm stuck on my kitchen floor amongst a pile of snotty paper towels.

It started with me dancing around the kitchen while I made cupcakes for a friend.  I go to put the box in the fridge and, as always, I had to move some stuff around in order to get it in there.  For a person that lives alone, I sure do have a lot of stuff in my fridge... Anyway, something was blocking the box in the way back so I reach in and pull out the culprit.  A bag of chocolate covered peanuts.  Not just any bag of chocolate covered peanuts... the last bag of chocolate covered peanuts my granddaddy ever made me.  A smile spread across my face.  Granddaddy.  I shove the box in the fridge and sit in the floor with the bag... I open it... Pull out a piece... and stare at it.  

I'm flooded with happy, wonderful, precious memories of my granddaddy by just staring at the candy.

To eat it or not to eat it... that is the question.  It's fine.  It's peanuts and chocolate, yall.  It's not like they'll go bad anytime soon, if ever (especially living in my fridge).  I take a bite.  The tears stream down my face.  I'm chewing and crying and smiling all at the same time.  I think, "It's still a damn good piece of candy, Granddaddy..." and then I'm laughing.  But I can't stop crying.  Even now.  It's a mixture of happiness and sadness but between the tears and sobs, I'm just grateful.

I miss my granddaddy.  Every day he is in my thoughts.  It's been 8 months but I still wish for so many things.  I wish Granddaddy had gotten to spend more time with The Boss.  I wish The Boss had gotten to spend more time with him.  And when the child finally starts talking, he'll ask questions about Granddaddy's pictures.  I know he will because at 22 months old (today!) you can ask him to show you Granddaddy in a picture and he does.  I wish he had gotten to ride on the tractor with him or watch him feed pecans to the squirrels from his shoes or learn how to touch the cows' noses from him... but The Boss has a wonderful Pops who will show him things that are just as awesome as what my Granddaddy showed me.  But man, those two would have really laughed at each other!

I wish The Chef had gotten to meet Granddaddy.  I like The Chef.  A lot.  I wanna keep him around for a while.  He would have loved my granddaddy, but then again, everyone loved Granddaddy.  It just happened... the smile on his face always spread to yours.  And your heart always felt warm when he was around.  So, really, The Chef wouldn't have been able to fight it.  :-)

I also wish I had eaten more of this chocolate covered peanut candy.  It was good!  It was always good!  But I've always been more of a "make the sweets than eat the sweets" kind of girl.  I always shared them with everyone around me because I knew there was more where that bag came from.  And because everyone loved that candy.  So I did just want my granddaddy did; I shared. I gave it away.  I made other people happy with it.  And I have one coveted bag left...

But, like I said, mostly I'm just grateful.  I am so grateful for the amount of time I had with him.  I am so grateful that he was such an important part of my life, that he was so close to me.  That I was privileged enough to receive such wonderful, unconditional love.  

So, as I sit here typing and crying, and even though I do miss him so very much...

 I'm smiling.  I'm happy.  And my heart feels a warmth that I will forever and always cherish.

I also have a bag of chocolate covered peanuts, yo.  And I can't even begin to describe the happiness that brings to my face and heart.  :-)

xoxo

~jennifree