It’s 12:4something in the wee hours of the night (or
morning) and as I’m drifting off to sleep I’m vaguely thinking about Time vs. Patience. I’m almost asleep, or maybe I’ve actually fallen asleep, when
suddenly my brain screams, “PUFF PASTRY!!!!” I’m awake. Out of bed. In the freezer pulling a box of
puff pastry to thaw in the fridge overnight. I have recipes to test in preparation for Monday night’s Foodie Fun
program at work. As I saunter back into
my bedroom, I find my brain has meandered back to pondering Time vs. Patience. So, here I am, propped up in bed
in the dark typing as fast as my fingers can keep up…
Time. When I was younger, like many young people, time
wasn’t a thing to me. Actually, that’s not entirely true. I yearned for the
days when I could make my own decisions, when I could live a life of my
choosing, when I could keep my room as messy or as clean as I wanted! Like many teenagers, it was all about
independence, independence, independence.
Something I have perfected in my older years – being independent. But that is an entirely different post in and
of itself. The fact of the matter is, when I was a teenager I ached to speed
time up. Somewhere after college, the
first time, I began to realize what a stupid, stupid, stupid thing that was.
You should never rush time but that’s only a lesson learned… with time.
In the past 10 years, my time has become increasingly
precious to me. I don’t foresee that changing in the least. If anything, it
will only increase in importance. We all have a finite amount of time on this
earth and the thing is… we have NO idea exactly HOW finite it is. I may have a
good 50-60 years left on this earth! Or… I might only have 5 or 10… days. And
for this reason, time has become of the utmost importance to me. Often, when
faced with something, I ask myself if I’m going to waste my time. Furthermore,
will I waste someone else’s time? If at any moment, I realize I’m about to do
just that, I immediately stop what I’m doing. I tell them; I’m not about to
waste another person’s time when time is so important to me. To me, it’s respectful and courteous to be
aware of others. I expect the same from other people as well. I make this known with anything I do,
friendships/relationships I enter into, offers to volunteer, etc. Now, if I
choose to waste my time, well, that’s my decision. After all, it is my time, so
long as it’s not affecting another person.
But what happens when you bring someone else into your time?
What happens when you’re both reading the same book at the same speed when
suddenly you realize you’ve kept reading, but the other person has stopped? You’re
supposed to be able to discuss said book at any moment. Be on the same page. But somehow, you’ve found yourself chapters
ahead of the other person and where you once could have a great discussion…
you’re struggling to keep the conversation going. You find yourself wondering,
“Did I somehow manage to pick up a completely different book altogether?” You
find yourself lost and confused, and frankly, a little frustrated. You’ve
invested time in sharing this book. Which also means you’ve invested feelings
and emotions.
This is usually when you cut your losses. If no one else in
the discussion is going to take the time and effort to make this a successful
and fun experience, you leave, right? Because your time is precious… Their time
is precious! If they aren’t enjoying the book, why should they keep reading??
There’s nothing wrong with not finishing a book. But there is something wrong when the person you’re sharing a story with pretends they’re reading when they’ve
actually closed the book altogether without telling you. It feels deceitful. But what if they didn’t close it altogether? What if they stuck a bookmark in it to go
back to later because the world has handed them a shit-ton of lemons that they
are trying to make lemonade out of. They just forgot to tell you they needed to
stop reading so much. They also forgot to ask you to bring some vodka over… Which
brings me to…
Patience. I’ve always
been told I was a patient person. I’m patient with impatient people. I’m
patient with unsure animals. I’m patient with needles & thread &
miniscule squares you have to count. I’m patient with tiny humans with sticky
hands. I’m patient with snarky teenagers. I’m patient. Some call it a virtue.
Some call it a weakness. I tend to find it’s somewhere in between. I say that
because many times there’s joy in being patient with another person and seeing them
succeed when all they needed was a little smile and an “it’s ok… take your
time…” But other times… other times there are those that take advantage it. Whether
they exploit your patience intentionally or not, it happens more often than I
care to admit. And, unfortunately, many of those same people are usually also
taking advantage of the kindness that comes along with it… I’ve seen both
sides. I’m the type of person that tends
to ignore the darker side until it’s slapped me in the face. Why? Because I choose to hope for the best out of
people. Because I choose to trust. Because I have a library to share and I’m
ready to do that. Because I’m incredibly patient with the people that matter to
me.
So, what happens when you find yourself in a situation where
two of your core values are pitted against each other because someone matters to you? You value how you spend
your time, how others spend your time, but you also value your ability to be
patient when it’s needed. What do you do when someone who matters to you uses
words that don’t match up with their actions? When they insinuate that they need
you to be patient but yet their actions scream that you, your time, & and
your feelings are of no concern to them? What do you focus on? The trees or the
forest? The fact that the book is closed or that they used a bookmark (but forgot to tell you...)?
By the way, I’m in the final chapters of Me Before You by Jojo Moyes. Yeah, I
know…
Also, I heard a song on the radio tonight that probably
started this whole thing:
I can see a heartbreak coming
I can see it in the way she walks
I can see your heartbreak comin’, I just can’t find the
courage to talk…
– Austin Meade
